Daddy Issues that Affect Your Relationship With Men

I strongly believe that the interaction girls have with their fathers or men in general affect their future relationships with men. I'm no Oprah, relationship expert, or psychologist/psychiatrist but I learned a lot from other's interations and my own.

I noticed that women that did not grow up with a father tend to be loose, those who do not have a good relationship with their father have trouble trusting men, and other things that as you grow up you realize is just common sense. However, that is not true for all females. All behaviors are not subject to just one concept. What is true for you, may not be true for most and what's common, may not apply to you.

I know some females, who didn't have a daddy growing up; have loving, strong relationships with men. And women who are so close to their fathers, daddy's girl, who cannot maintain a relationship with men and are not selective with entry, if you know what I mean.

I, myself, had trouble having a good relationship with men or any relationship by that means. I live with both my parents, they have been married for over 25 years, and I am around my father more than my mother. However, I wouldn't trust my father farther than I can throw him and I have more respect for my mother than my father. My father was very abusive towards my brother and I growing up and he would rather take money from us than give it. It is more than evident that if he had the choice, he would of never had kids. I don't think my father hates us, but I feel like we're viewed more as a burden rather than a gift. I strongly believe that my view of my father and other men in my family, which is the only interaction I consistenly have with the opposite sex affects my relationship with men.

Most men in my family do not work or hardly work and depend on their wife to take care of them. I am not sure if it's my culture but I really don't want to excuse their behavior with that reasoning. Be a man, be the head of the household. It's shameful, if you do otherwise.

I also have had numerous nightmares of getting raped, it's been going on for years. I do not know if it stems from all the lifetime movies I watched growing up or  some traumatic experience I could have experienced in the past but I can't recall now that I'm older, I have no idea. But I do know that I have had trouble being alone with men around my age in the same room. This year was the first time, I have been comfortable being alone in a room with a man I am not related to. Yup, I have issues, especially with trust.

So, how do I fix it?

I need to change my thinking. I need to accept that I have interaction issues with men. I need to know that I can change it. I will prove to myself that I will have great relationships with men. After changing my mindset, I need to put my thoughts into action by treating men with love and respect and disprove my first theory that #niggasaintshit. I realized this, so I have been letting my negative feelings towards men subside and allowing new feelings to form by engaging in meaningful relationships (friends or dating).

It's true, all men are not the same and there are many men out there that do handle their responsibilities and can be loving and respectful---yes, all those features in one.

Do you have daddy issues? Do they affect your relationships? Will you join me in letting go of your preconceived notions about men?

So...I've been dating

Just landed in Indianapolis for a business trip

If you have been following my blogposts, you can recall that I have been opposed to dating because it seemed like a complete waste of time. From the good morning text, to the attempts of his lips on mine, and the constant talk about an activity I refuse to engage in, sex. I had enough because it all seemed pointless. 

But in late February, I felt this sudden urge to get out there and mingle. I was thinking about my future and it hit me, I will be graduating from nursing school and then what? I would like to get married and raise a family. The steps towards achieving that goal is to be with a special someone. I also understand the significance of having someone special to celebrate your accomplishments, learn and grow from one another, and share life experiences with that special person as we reach the pinnacle of our life.

I strongly believe in the law of attraction so I changed my thoughts, thus my actions, and became more optimistic about meeting great men. Within a couple of weeks, I started talking to a couple. I'm still a rookie, so I decided to date one person at a time. He was very nice, we clicked instantly, he reallllly liked me *blushing* We went on a couple of dates. With the good, comes the bad. Every time we went out, he came with a friend *blank stare* I could not understand why he could not come alone. Was I boring and he needed someone else there? Was he very shy when alone with a girl? I could not fathom his peculiar ways, so I brought it up, he disagreed with both of my reasons. It really bothered me in addition to his unset life goals and slowly but surely the conversations, dates, and good morning texts in addition to falling asleep on the phone decreased *sigh*.

Then there was my old thing...haha. I had to contact him because I could not stop thinking about him, I thought we could have a future together because he is exactly what I wanted, college grad, stable job, returning to college for his masters degree, just wonderful! Nothing sexier than a handsome, ambitious man. But that was the problem, he looked good in person and on paper. As far as being a good boyfriend then husband, negative. He was a nympho or a hyper sexualized man, whichever sounds more respectful [-_-]. A virgin has no place in his presence. I will respect him by not commenting further.

Lastly, there is him. The one I am currently dating is sweet, a gentleman, has a stable job, reliable, and consistent, and never talks about sex. I respect his approach on life. The only thing I don't like is that he is secretive and lacks ambition. I want a man who always wants to do better, thinking of ways to improve his current situation, and always hungry for more because he knows he can do better or at least achieves certain goals to always have a back up or it helps him grow as a person. I only expect that because that is how I am. I do not think this will last. I lack the spark that I felt for the last two. Maybe because we lack intimacy, never any touching or loving hugs or deep conversations that provide mental stimulation. Perhaps it is because he does not want to cross any boundaries (in regards to the physical contact), but we both know that after a couple of months he will not like that...so what is the point of this relationship if it is clearly temporary. Although I have spent the most time with him, I feel like I do not know him as well as I know the other two. As time goes on, we shall see.

But this summer, I have grown so much! My greatest accomplishment this summer is that I learned how to love. I have not mastered it. For instance, I am still not comfortable with doing certain things. But I have opened my heart and my mind, have been flexible, made sacrifices and compromises, and found ways to balance school, work, recreational activities, and dating. 

How did you grow this summer?

Decisions, Decisions

I keep gettin this feeling that this could turn out to be the worst, but how if I'm giving you my best? A gut feeling towards a relationship that you strongly believe will not last.

You get that *heart racing, stomach sinking* feeling every time you see him. You want to know how his day was, how is he feeling now, and maybe is he feeling you? Maybe the same way you feel about him?


Well tough if you're not willing to give what he wants in a relationship.

Yes, you're attractive; Yes, you have your mind right, and yes you're all around awesome.











B U T
E X A M P L E

"So, what are you looking for in a relationship?"

"A good girl, you know: smart, pretty, good sense of humor, doesn't like to party too much, and oh yeah...good in bed"

*cough* "oh really? That sounds reasonable."

DAMNNN!

* WOMP! the feelings died and that relationship was over before it started *

So on to the next one? Not too fast miss, the next one is bound to be like the last one. Desiring things in the relationship that you're not willing to give, atleast not yet. So why would he wait for you, when the next one is more than happy to show off her skills?

The conflicts of a virgin...minor to you, but major to us