Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Father Abraham

On the first vacation I have taken alone since having my children I realized a lot about myself. I am a single mother and love my two kids to no end. I live everyday for them and would not have it any other way. Through all the bad things that have happened in my life and all the not so great relationships the love of my children have been the constant in my life. So me and my best friend take a vacation to see a friend. During this vacation I meet the man my heart tells me is my soul-mate. Since meeting my high school boyfriend I have never met someone that made my heart skip a beat. I have never met someone that I felt an instant spark for. And for me that man is Father Abraham.

The moment I saw him I felt I needed to talk to him. He was tall, dark, and handsome. He looked like a foreign creature to me. He was a breathe of fresh air. I saw him and knew that something was different about him. And I knew that I would never see him again. Just knowing this gave me a revelation. If I meet someone and didn't have a fleeting feeling of love, then I knew that I would no longer settle. My girls and I deserved better. We deserved to be loved unconditionally and I am determined to have that.

So I approached him to ask him a question we spoke for about 1 minute and we shook hands and he says very nice to meet you my name is Abraham. I tell him my name and say nice to meet you too. As I looked back I could see him looking back at me. I felt that he felt the same thing I did. This undeniable attraction. This indescribable feeling that we would not get the chance to explore. I look up his phone number and after a night of socially drinking with my friend I had the false sense of courage to call him after a little bit of coaxing. I understand that this may seem a little forward but I just had this overwhelming feeling of the what ifs. So I call, he gets on the line and my heart starts beating faster and faster and the thoughts won't formulate in my head. I asked if he remembered me from earlier that day...pause. He says oh the girl in the green dress! He did remember me wow. He says that he's glad I called and he would call me later that day, well it was 5 a.m. I hang up and I'm elated. I went for it and he knew who I was, he was glad I called.

Later that day he calls and we have the best two hour conversation of my life. He tells me how beautiful he thought I was as soon as he saw me. I share with him my thoughts of him and how I felt when I laid eyes on him. We talked about our families, our lives, and our shared patriotism. We shared a fire for serving our country and if you would have been a third party listening you would have thought it to be corny maybe even downright cliche. At the end of our conversation he apologizes for potentially leading me on and he HAD felt something when we spoke but he was in a relationship. He was genuinely a gentleman. No need to apologize I told him, I don't like to live my life with regrets, if I never would have tried to say something then I would have lived life kicking myself with what ifs.

Father Abraham is my soul mate and in a blink of an eye he was gone. But the "idea" Father Abraham lives on inside me. The feeling I get when I think about his handsome physique, the quiver I get when I replay our brief encounter over and over in my mind. As the seconds turn to minutes, minutes turn to hours, hours to days, I wonder if he will call again. I wonder if he would just take me back to Utopia if only for a few minutes. I wonder if circumstances would change and he would become mine. It is said that when lobster's mate and hook claws they become one forever. When penguins meet, the male gives the female a fine pebble, if she excepts then they will be mates forever. I also believe this to be true for us. When you meet someone and you have that fire, the spark, and instant feeling of the cliche love at first sight that is not something that happens all the time. That is not something that happens more than once. If it does happen do not ignore it. This is your soulmate. It may not happen right away but I believe that IT WILL HAPPEN. When you experience this then you have found your Father Abraham.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Does this Upset You? It Should

Excerpt taken from the article, "Black and “BEAutiful” Women, STAND UP!"
"Not to put any males down, seeing as how I am one, but the truth is the truth despite what perspective it’s told from. And the truth is, some women are sexable, and some are wifeable. So many of you are almost too wifeable, and that’s the problem; several men right now don’t want to wife, they want to spread your legs. They don’t want to respect you, because, quite honestly, respect interferes with the nut. It’s not a bad thing; men can attest to this—I certainly can. I, we, and they, would all (at times) rather have a girl that has no vision in life, no ambition, no goals, no promise, and no dignity, because that equates to ejaculation on top of ejaculation on top of ejaculation on top of ejaculation. Meanwhile, the respectable women who know they deserve more than a quick lay unfortunately remain untouched for now, preserved for later; in so many ways, 2010 is the season for girls, not women—and until he mans up, he won’t be ready for you.
It is a sad but honest truth that so many women who exemplify the very essence of the word “beauty” will have to wait for their reward, but in the meantime, continue to love yourselves despite yourselves, ladies. And do it better than anyone else ever could, because at that point you transcend the threshold of black mediocrity that America profits all too easily from, and in the blink of an eye become B E A utiful."
Full article found here:“beautiful”-women-stand-up/

Too many times have I been between the respectable me and the "ME" that men want. Sometimes it is easier to lower my expectations, lower my self worth for a little companionship. It's hard living everyday with no one to live it with. I used to think that being single would be the end of the world for me. So in essence I made sure I was never alone. I kept the company of men who I knew wanted nothing more than a sexual experience. I did this because at the time, that is what I wanted also. When I wanted something deeper I couldn't because I led these men to believe that I never wanted anything deeper than that. It's hard to live with decisions that we have made. It's hard when you have to live with a decision you made when you were young. When you grow up and realize that you have made some mistakes that you can not take back it's a very tough pill to swallow. I have since then reverted back to my TRUE self and it has proven much harder to get the respect and love that I desire. I am still in search for the man that can handle the beauty and essence of a real woman. Until then I will bask in my own ambience, wink wink. 

Photo of Marthe

Wednesday, November 21, 2012


So Thanksgiving is upon us again. And every year someone says let's all say what we are thankful for. Some people are thankful for the material things. Other for the more meaningful. Most people look at their family and they know without them there wud be nothing to be thankful for. And then some people stand up every year and say they are thankful for their good job, the money, or the fame.

With that being said I am thankful for God. Without him nothing is possible. He wakes me up everyday so that I could be the best mother possible for my two children. I live and would die for them. Without the grace of God I wouldn't even have them. So this year along with ever past and future, I am thank for God, thankful for life, and thankful for my family.


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