Sunday, October 28, 2012

The Worst a Man Has Done!

Women and men do a lot to each other either conscious or unconsciously. The level of games, deceit and hurt between the sexes is so remarkable it's hard to pinpoint one reason why. I do know that I have been on the giving and receiving end of these mind games. As simple as acting as if I don't like a man just to have him chase me. That is as bad as the next one who cheats. Whether it be something small or something big, matters of the heart should not be taken so lightly. And yet it doesn't matter how many times we are hurt we find ourselves continuing this vicious cycle.

I have had men lie, cheat, play mind games but recently I have experienced the most hurtful event by far. There is  man that I had met about a year ago. We instantly hit it off. We were deployed together in Afghanistan so we had all the time in the world to just hang out and talk and really get to know each other without the physical part getting in the way the way they do in so many of our relationships. We would take walks and plan our lives together. It was crazy to me that I have met so many men and the one that I meet in the midst of such a messed up place would be the one that I could see myself with. We fell in love and because the nature of my job and me being gone so long we fell out of touch. A little while before I was leaving we started talking again and decided to talk as friends.

Long story short when I got home he called me, we video chatted and when he got home I heard nothing. Fast forward four months and he emails me out of the blue as if nothing has happened. As if nothing was wrong. And although I had met someone else in the process and I had months of hate built up, all of my feelings came rushing back. The hate couldn't cover what I had felt for him before all of the madness happened.

We end up having sex and he calls me two days later saying that I gave him a STD and he trusted me and I let him down. He talked down to me and I said sorry a million times even though I had just got tested a few months before and haven't slept with anyone in the meanwhile. For two weeks he called me and harassed me about getting ester. I mean it was so important to him but he wasn't going for himself. Me, I felt fine so I didn't see the need for me to rush. Tired of being badgered I went and got tested. I told him that and he was quiet. Told him I needed to wait a few to get the results. So he calls me and says he doesn't think I ever went to the doctor's and he thinks I was lying. I mean really I am a grown as woman why would i lie about going to the doctor's office.

I hang up on him and I am so upset. I mean if I gave him something I could understand his anger. But he was doing  and saying all this with no proof of anything. I felt hurt and disrespected. A few days later I got the results and I had absolutely nothing. So all the while he was saying that he was feeling discomfort and blaming me for the worst and there was nothing wrong. I expected to hear an apology at the very least. I mean we are adults right. But no instead of giving me what I deserved he just decided not to call back. The way that things have played out really did hurt me. More so for the fact that I had put in so much time and effort into a man that turned out to be worse than I could imagine. He didn't have to come back into my life just to ruin it again. He could have just stayed away. Why are men so cruel? Why are they so calculating? Im still trying to figure it out now.

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