Just landed in Indianapolis for a business trip
If you have been following my blogposts, you can recall that I have been opposed to dating because it seemed like a complete waste of time. From the good morning text, to the attempts of his lips on mine, and the constant talk about an activity I refuse to engage in, sex. I had enough because it all seemed pointless.
But in late February, I felt this sudden urge to get out there and mingle. I was thinking about my future and it hit me, I will be graduating from nursing school and then what? I would like to get married and raise a family. The steps towards achieving that goal is to be with a special someone. I also understand the significance of having someone special to celebrate your accomplishments, learn and grow from one another, and share life experiences with that special person as we reach the pinnacle of our life.
I strongly believe in the law of attraction so I changed my thoughts, thus my actions, and became more optimistic about meeting great men. Within a couple of weeks, I started talking to a couple. I'm still a rookie, so I decided to date one person at a time. He was very nice, we clicked instantly, he reallllly liked me *blushing* We went on a couple of dates. With the good, comes the bad. Every time we went out, he came with a friend *blank stare* I could not understand why he could not come alone. Was I boring and he needed someone else there? Was he very shy when alone with a girl? I could not fathom his peculiar ways, so I brought it up, he disagreed with both of my reasons. It really bothered me in addition to his unset life goals and slowly but surely the conversations, dates, and good morning texts in addition to falling asleep on the phone decreased *sigh*.
Then there was my old thing...haha. I had to contact him because I could not stop thinking about him, I thought we could have a future together because he is exactly what I wanted, college grad, stable job, returning to college for his masters degree, just wonderful! Nothing sexier than a handsome, ambitious man. But that was the problem, he looked good in person and on paper. As far as being a good boyfriend then husband, negative. He was a nympho or a hyper sexualized man, whichever sounds more respectful [-_-]. A virgin has no place in his presence. I will respect him by not commenting further.
Lastly, there is him. The one I am currently dating is sweet, a gentleman, has a stable job, reliable, and consistent, and never talks about sex. I respect his approach on life. The only thing I don't like is that he is secretive and lacks ambition. I want a man who always wants to do better, thinking of ways to improve his current situation, and always hungry for more because he knows he can do better or at least achieves certain goals to always have a back up or it helps him grow as a person. I only expect that because that is how I am. I do not think this will last. I lack the spark that I felt for the last two. Maybe because we lack intimacy, never any touching or loving hugs or deep conversations that provide mental stimulation. Perhaps it is because he does not want to cross any boundaries (in regards to the physical contact), but we both know that after a couple of months he will not like that...so what is the point of this relationship if it is clearly temporary. Although I have spent the most time with him, I feel like I do not know him as well as I know the other two. As time goes on, we shall see.
But this summer, I have grown so much! My greatest accomplishment this summer is that I learned how to love. I have not mastered it. For instance, I am still not comfortable with doing certain things. But I have opened my heart and my mind, have been flexible, made sacrifices and compromises, and found ways to balance school, work, recreational activities, and dating.
How did you grow this summer?