Tuesday, August 16, 2011

So...I've been dating

Just landed in Indianapolis for a business trip

If you have been following my blogposts, you can recall that I have been opposed to dating because it seemed like a complete waste of time. From the good morning text, to the attempts of his lips on mine, and the constant talk about an activity I refuse to engage in, sex. I had enough because it all seemed pointless. 

But in late February, I felt this sudden urge to get out there and mingle. I was thinking about my future and it hit me, I will be graduating from nursing school and then what? I would like to get married and raise a family. The steps towards achieving that goal is to be with a special someone. I also understand the significance of having someone special to celebrate your accomplishments, learn and grow from one another, and share life experiences with that special person as we reach the pinnacle of our life.

I strongly believe in the law of attraction so I changed my thoughts, thus my actions, and became more optimistic about meeting great men. Within a couple of weeks, I started talking to a couple. I'm still a rookie, so I decided to date one person at a time. He was very nice, we clicked instantly, he reallllly liked me *blushing* We went on a couple of dates. With the good, comes the bad. Every time we went out, he came with a friend *blank stare* I could not understand why he could not come alone. Was I boring and he needed someone else there? Was he very shy when alone with a girl? I could not fathom his peculiar ways, so I brought it up, he disagreed with both of my reasons. It really bothered me in addition to his unset life goals and slowly but surely the conversations, dates, and good morning texts in addition to falling asleep on the phone decreased *sigh*.

Then there was my old thing...haha. I had to contact him because I could not stop thinking about him, I thought we could have a future together because he is exactly what I wanted, college grad, stable job, returning to college for his masters degree, just wonderful! Nothing sexier than a handsome, ambitious man. But that was the problem, he looked good in person and on paper. As far as being a good boyfriend then husband, negative. He was a nympho or a hyper sexualized man, whichever sounds more respectful [-_-]. A virgin has no place in his presence. I will respect him by not commenting further.

Lastly, there is him. The one I am currently dating is sweet, a gentleman, has a stable job, reliable, and consistent, and never talks about sex. I respect his approach on life. The only thing I don't like is that he is secretive and lacks ambition. I want a man who always wants to do better, thinking of ways to improve his current situation, and always hungry for more because he knows he can do better or at least achieves certain goals to always have a back up or it helps him grow as a person. I only expect that because that is how I am. I do not think this will last. I lack the spark that I felt for the last two. Maybe because we lack intimacy, never any touching or loving hugs or deep conversations that provide mental stimulation. Perhaps it is because he does not want to cross any boundaries (in regards to the physical contact), but we both know that after a couple of months he will not like that...so what is the point of this relationship if it is clearly temporary. Although I have spent the most time with him, I feel like I do not know him as well as I know the other two. As time goes on, we shall see.

But this summer, I have grown so much! My greatest accomplishment this summer is that I learned how to love. I have not mastered it. For instance, I am still not comfortable with doing certain things. But I have opened my heart and my mind, have been flexible, made sacrifices and compromises, and found ways to balance school, work, recreational activities, and dating. 

How did you grow this summer?


  1. Just started following your work, and I want you to take this and purely complimentary, I followed your blog because of your different perspective. I myself don't know many 21 year old virgins who also didn't have any desire to lose it...because I know one but he's been trying pretty hard lol. But all jokes aside, I did the college thing and I know what thats like and I applaud you for staying true to yourself. You have a lot going for yourself and and it's oozing through your writing, I look forward to reading more, check my site out sometime, be good.

  2. Great post! Everything you said I can relate to, and those are most of the reasons why I've avoided dating as well. It seems like nowadays, spending time with anyone is only a pre-requisite to sex. It can be frustrating, but I applaud you for getting back into it! That's more than I can say for myself lol

  3. I Love your blog and what it stands for, In a world where abstinence seems to be sinful instead of the other way round. I respect your views and I can relate to it! Its hard but its possible..keep inspiring! I'm so happy to have stumbled on your blog!


  4. Dr. LiL, thank you for following and please encourage your 21 year old friend to stay strong because he is doing something he firmly believes in. I don't know any 21 year old male virgins, so that's commendable.
    I am very flattered and I really appreciate the compliments : )
    & thank you so much for reading! I will be sure to stop by your page

    @UCB, Thank you! I can honestly say it's a lot of work, but I'm willing to do what it takes! lol. I know you can get back in the game, pretty soon I'll be hearing about your dates lol. Hope all is well!

    @Gerlee, thank you love! I am glad we can relate and thank you for reading : )

  5. Great post! It is so weird dating I find, especially at the beginning when Im not really sure what to do and then having to have 'the talk' lol.But like you said, the experiences has helped you grow as a person which is always good!
    I hope things work out with the 3rd guy though!!

  6. Thank you Saadiya! I used to be so nervous when I first start talking to a guy but as I learned to relax and let the converstaion flow, it has become much easier. 'The talk' is great because that is when the man's true intentions are revealed. With time and practice, we will be great at dating. It is important to first become friends, then best friends which hopefully leads into a husband. Thank you for reading : )

  7. Now following your blog, I LOVE this read =].

    I feel you on EVERY aspect. I do feel like I am a "constantly driven" person. SO.. I "feel" a man more when I can match his fly.

    His fly being his drive, his fight for more, his willingness to hold on, and his goal to be the best he can be in life.

    Some guys don't understand the fact that some of us can't get there physically without the mental. Unlike guys, who go for the physical more so than the mental.

    And communication now a days is like striking gold, it's so hard to come by. =[

    So, it's not that are standards our high it's just that, we want more for ourselves and we want someone who wants the same.

    The beautiful thing about it is: It will come if it's in God's will.

    And it'll just take 'some' trial & error.

    On another note =],

    This summer, I have became more financially responsible and I've also mastered the relationships around me. I have an amazing group of girls, that I can truly call my friends, and we've grown up together through time and experiences. Now we're all just moving forward with all that life has in store and ready to be together during the next chapters of our lives. =]

    Kimberly, FWB

  8. Thank you so much!
    I feel you on matching his fly. Loved how you explained it lol.
    "Some guys don't understand the fact that some of us can't get there physically without the mental." Could not agree more!!
    Thank you for sharing your personal growth, it's a beautiful thing to reflect and see what we've learned (and how we grew) through different experiences and who we shared those moments with.
    Thank you for reading Kimberly : )



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...